Four-year-old anatomy class

S: mom, is our bum attached to everything? 
Me: ??? 
S: why are our legs attached to our bum? 
Me: so we have a place to land when we sit down. 
S: what if our legs were attached to our heads? Wouldn't that be silly? (There was more here, but we devolved into toot-talk, of course, after giggling about our bum being on our head too) 
‪#‎fouryearoldanatomyclass‬

Not just "cold"

S: daddy, can I have some ice water?
Daddy: sure bud, here's your cup.
S: I want it as cold as a snowy day in wintertime.
Daddy: ...
#alittledramatic

Mystery Solved.

S: (with drama) I'm starrrrving!
Me: but you ate a full dinner.
S: that was afternoon dinner. Now I need night dinner.
Me: is that right?
S: well, I could just do a snack, I guess.
‪#‎heisahobbit‬ ‪#‎seconddinner‬

Well, then

S was asking about the Holy Spirit since he got a red balloon at church Sunday. They held the balloons over their heads (I think) to learn about Pentecost. Explaining an "invisible spirit" that is God is not the easiest thing. Trying to explain the spirit's role as conscience, I asked him, "have you ever done something bad and the felt badly about it after?" He answered, "No." 
Well then. 🔥🔥🔥

Didn't you even know...?

"Mommy, tickle me fast upside down." Oh, buddy, I don't want all your strawberries to fall out. "Silly Mommy, didn't you even know that your esophagus has a flap in it? My strawberries won't come out. Now, tickles pleeeeease." ‪#‎wellthen‬

God and me

In the middle of dinner last night, out of the CLEAR BLUE, Shepard asks, "Was God already awake when He made Himself? How did He make Himself? Did He make Himself?" ...How does "He always was" work for a four-year-old? ‪#‎deep‬

Cold air and owls

1. I think I know why it's so cold. There is a big person sitting on top of the earth and he's making COLD toots! (big grin. Also, I laughed so hard he told the joke about four more times.) 
2. I want to be an owl...because owls get to play all night and sleep in the morning...and I would be brave in the dark because owls are brave in the dark...because they can scare people. I want to be nocturnal. ‪#‎metoobuddy‬

Science before coffee=NO BUENO

Today's earth science lesson at 7:08 a.m. 
First question of the morning..."Why are geysers and volcanoes when the heat builds up under the earth? Why do they explode?" 
Me: "It's kind of like earth-burps, buddy." 
Him: "No, geysers are like toots and volcanoes are like the burps. Right, mom?" 
Me: "Sounds good." (sips coffee)

Poop. Cup. Sink.

The facts are these:
1. My child pooped in a solo cup this morning.
2. I didn't realize this for a few minutes. Said cup was in my SINK, full of water and soap where he was trying to "rinse it out."
3. There was a shower because he had NOT, in fact, wiped himself as he claimed.
4. There was clorox (I'm sorry, my hippie/vegan/essentialoil friends, green works was not going to cut it. It's like sending a mouse into a lion fight.). Whole bathroom had to be disinfected, because as far as I'm concerned, it was all contaminated. Toothbrushes thrown away. Lysol everywhere.
5. He had the gaul NOT to eat the breakfast he asked me to make and then try to throw a fit about his clothes because they were "too blue."
6. We both made it to school/work roughly on time, and there was no screaming.
7. I'll leave you with "My child pooped in a solo cup this morning" just because POOP. CUP. SINK.
‪#‎Jesustakethewheel‬

Breakfast of Champions

Me: "Whatcha want for breakfast, bud?" 
S: "Something with nutrients." 
Me: "OK, what do you think...banana? scrambled eggs? applesauce?" 
S: Yes. I need nutritious breakfast in order to be a superhero." 
Me: "You are so right." 
Something happened on the way to the kitchen. We ended up with toaster strudel and chicken nuggets.